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We’re a quarter through 2016 and we think we’ve found this year’s current winner of the most profane piece of work product. Michigan lawyer Bradley J. Shafer prefaced his mediation summary of his stripper club case with some personal comments about the nature of his industry and strippers in general. And then, he goes ape. If you don’t believe us, you should read the summary yourself. Remember, this has been filed in court....

You already know where to come for law school news, tips, resources, and humor. (You’re there right now!) But now you can make sure that all the best law school news and resources come to you. Newsletters can bring the top news and information straight to your inbox. FindLaw is launching a new newsletter dedicated just to law school news and law student resources. That means all the best of FindLaw’s law student offerings, delivered directly to you....

In plaintiffs’ construction defect case against numerous defendants including general contractor, district court’s award of attorneys’ fees and costs to plaintiffs is reversed and remanded where, given the apparent arbitrariness of the awards, the court is unable to find a combination of numbers adding up to the precise cost awarded and there is no reasonable connection between the lodestar amount and the trial court’s award of attorneys’ fees. Read Gorman v....

From memos to moot court, law school students are trained in the art of persuasion. Unfortunately, much of that art goes to seed upon graduation, or is reserved only for the biggest case filings or court appearances. While some attorneys will find the argument in anything, many more lawyers think the only time they need to be persuasive is in front of a judge or jury. As it turns out, you may need your powers of persuasion in your everyday practice, and there are ways to be more effective in your interactions with clients, opposing counsel, judges, mediators, arbitrators, regulators, and others and therefore be more successful in your legal practice....

Thanks to California’s anti-SLAPP law, businesses that get burned on public review websites are unlikely to win a defamation suit against their dissatisfied commenters. A California appellate court rejected an anti-SLAPP appeal last week, finding that an Internet commenter’s personal attacks against a businessman were protected speech. In 2010, a series of derogatory statements about Chaker and his forensics business appeared on an Internet site where members of the public may comment on the reliability and honesty of businesses and service providers....

Buyer’s remorse or broken heart? A Houston man is suing a stripper he claims he’d been “dating” for $2,000 in alleged loans, along with a laptop and his entire “Harry Potter” DVD collection. What was going on behind closed doors in this man’s chamber of secrets and what does his now-former Hermione have to say for herself? As reported by Houston’s KRIV-TV, Houston software developer Robert Wallace and exotic dancer Nomi Mims met at Treasures, a club where she performs....

According to the U.S. Park Service and now a federal judge, there is to be no dancing in the interior of the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C. That whirring sound may well be the author of the Declaration of Independence spinning in his grave, but U.S. District Judge John D. Bates found that the memorial site is to be a place to “publicize Thomas Jefferson’s legacy, so that critics and supporters alike may contemplate his place in history....

Be careful what you text: you may get arrested for texting. In fact, a Pennsylvania woman was recently arrested for a “jerk” text. Kimberly Bush, 45, sent a text to her ex-boyfriend late Friday night. There was no threat. There was no accompanying, menacing voicemail. Just one word: “jerk.” And, with that one syllable, it seems that Bush was able to strike a deep chord of fear within her ex-boyfriend, David Gosnell, Sr....

An Ohio woman who plead guilty to using her children to help her steal from a Walmart store was ordered by the judge in her case to write a letter to her kids explaining that stealing was wrong. Hallie Thomas, 36, of Logan, Ohio was caught on surveillance camera with her two daughters in March at a local Walmart concealing items in a clothes hamper, reports The Logan Daily News. When Thomas and her daughters attempted to leave the store, they were stopped by police....

If you’re an in-house lawyer that does patent work, or even just a patent attorney, your job might be threatened by artificial intelligence in the somewhat near future. After all, technology is the new personal touch. But, for now, it’s the patent paralegals who are really at the highest risk of being displaced by a robot. Patent attorneys would be colored shocked, if they had any emotions. Instead, they’re probably all asking: Can I really replace Derrick with a robot?...

To what lengths must a man go to be banned from ordering pizza? What must he do to never get delivery again? How bad must he be for a judge to write: “Defendant shall refrain from calling any pizza establishment… or his bond shall be revoked?” Randy Riddle, resident of Sebastian, Florida, plumbed those depths recently, and now must live a pie-less life, devoid of anchovies, all the meat a meat-lover would love, and cheese-injected crusts; a life so empty, only a two-foot-long Big Flavor Dipper could fill it....

Feeling a bit restless? Wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, job-wise? It might be! It doesn’t hurt to look, at least. And we at FindLaw want to help you out. As part of our affiliate partnership with Indeed, we’re bringing you the three coolest legal jobs we can find. So when you’re done wooing your Valentine this weekend, why not snuggle up to your laptop and update that resume?...

UPS worker Stephen Moore sued William Jessup University over an injury he suffered after handling a package that was significantly heavier than indicated on the package’s label. A California Appeals Court found for the university under the tort doctrine of assumption of risk, underscoring the power of the the police/fireman rule in California. Stephen Moore, an employee with UPS with a decade’s worth of experience, was injured when he attempted to move a box that had been inadvertently mislabeled by defendant William Jessup University (WJU) with the incorrect weight....

Professional football fans are freaking out. The NFL Player’s Association and team owners failed to come to an agreement, and to add fuel to the fire, the players decertified the union, leading to a full-on NFL lockout. Now that there’s an antitrust suit challenging the lockout, there’s a lot of speculation about what will happen next. But there’s no question about what fans really want to know: Come next fall, will NFL football be a relic of the past?...

It’s no big news that many associates are overworked, staying in the office too long and too late in an effort to plow through their high workload and make their billable hour quotas. Most associates are familiar with working on a brief or filing until the very last minute before a deadline, which, now that documents can be filed online, is often the last second before midnight. Generally, associates grin and bear it while the rest of the legal world looks away....

Question: What is the worst thing that a person could find in their soup? Answer: hard to say for sure, but finding a condom in soup has to be pretty high on the list. We don’t know. But, an Orange County Claim Jumper diner who found the secret ingredient in his soup sued for monetary compensation and the restaurant settled for an undisclosed amount. Philip Hodousek, 51, and his wife said that it went down like this: Philip felt what he believed was tough cheese on one side of this mouth … he could not chew it into pieces … it felt like rubber....

What an episode it was! Actually, the “season finale” of #HTGAWM comprised two back-to-back episodes, but that doesn’t matter. We figured out who killed Lila, what the deal was with (former law student) Rudy Walters, and why you shouldn’t mess with Frank. The season ended on a cliffhanger, and another murder, meaning The Gang will be back next season for more hijinks. But if they’re 2Ls, why will they still be taking Annalise’s class?...

Two unlucky chumps are suing the New Jersey Lotto after they supposedly tossed a winning ticket worth $1 million in the garbage in 2013. New York residents Salvatore Cambria and Erick Onyango filed suit against the New Jersey Lottery Commission, the lotto commissioner, and even Gov. Chris Christie for failing to post the current winning Powerball numbers on the state lottery’s website on the night of the drawing. The pair alleges that because of the delay in posting the current winning numbers, they thought their ticket was a loser and tossed it in the garbage....

A Florida grandmother claims her experience at a local Great Clips salon was somewhat less than great. In fact, Vyunda Bradshaw says that her bad haircut is ruining her life, and is demanding $1,000 to compensate for her “pain and suffering.” The salon’s manager agreed that the cut is unacceptable, but told Orlando’s WKMG-TV that the salon can’t give the woman the money she’s asking for. What led to Bradshaw’s unfortunate haircut?...

Like many lawyers, we can’t live without a midday break. Why? A wee little dose of creativity in the coffee. You see, it turns out that drinking may indeed inspire creativity, just as all the greats (here’s to you, William Faulkner) said it did. But the researchers behind this study say there’s one small caveat: The target is buzzed, not blitzed. Apparently, staying creative is a lot like driving: You want to set a limit for a 0....